What are the odds it can become #autonomous?
Well, it is a garbage can.
Sure, but it has Bluetooth, right?
Only so it can talk to the refrigerator.
Why?
To keep track of the leftovers.
Category: Conversations
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Dirty Politics
Read more: Dirty Politics“My opponent is a liar. And I approve this message.”
“What do we know about this guy?”
“Nothing much. He does know a liar when he sees one.”
“How do we know he’s not lying.”
“Why would he?”
“Because his opponent says he’s a liar.”
“Is it possible they are both lying?”
“Maybe that’s how you know it’s dirty politics.”
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Water Cooler Talk
Read more: Water Cooler TalkA Conversation
“I’ve lost my cereal bowl. I had it Friday.”
“Did you look in the refrigerator?”
“You nailed it. I found it on my desk. I didn’t finish my soup.”
“Those new extensions?”
“Maybe.”
“I don’t understand why you change color or hair length every week.”
“It makes me more interesting.”
“The water cooler took three minutes to give me hot water.”
“It’s not sucking from the bottle.”
“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
“No. It’s not getting any air so the water isn’t coming out.”
“Well, that sucks. I really don’t want this leftover soup.”
“Dump it out.”
“I should have done that when I was looking for a cereal bowl.”
“Then you would have missed out on our water cooler talk.”
“Perhaps. But it was more fun this way.”
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Should We Include a Knife?
Read more: Should We Include a Knife?A Conversation
“I count a total of 23 cakes. Why so many?”
“I followed the recipe and it makes a lot of cakes.”
“You must be insane. Who’s going to eat all of them?”
“The crumbs are awfully good. I hope somebody will eat them.”
“But you have no idea? I thought you were making one pound cake.”
“No, the cookbook called for a pound of butter, eggs, flour, and sugar.”
“That can’t be right. The whole cake should weigh only a pound.”
“They’re all under a pound.”
“How do you know?”
“I weighed them. Do you think we should include a knife to bring up the weight?”
“We would need two-dozen knives!”
“But then we could cut off a slice.”
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At Work
Read more: At WorkA Conversation
“I’ve lost my cereal bowl. I had it Friday.”
“Did you look in the refrigerator?”
“You nailed it. I didn’t finish my soup.”
“Those new extensions?”
“Maybe.”
“I don’t understand why you change color or length every week.”
“It makes me more interesting.”
“The water cooler took three minutes to give me hot water.”
“It’s not sucking.”
“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”
“No. It’s not getting any air, so the water isn’t coming out.”
“Well, that sucks. You know, I really don’t want this leftover soup.”
“Dump it out.”
“I should have done that when I was looking for a cereal bowl.”
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A Brief History of Time
Read more: A Brief History of TimeA Conversation
“So, time flows forward and past as a ribbon containing our history and future?”
“Yes, like a long strip of tape.”
“But that would mean a higher power put all the events on the tape.”
“Not all the events. Just the choices. You can make a choice, create an event, and encounter the next choice.”
“It sounds like you could end up back where you started.”
“All the choices are like pins on the timeline. You can discover the same choices endlessly.”
“And get nowhere.”
“The adventure is in making the choices: you never know what will happen.”
“My timeline will be entirely different from yours?”
“I may have the same choices, but yes, you will experience a different timeline.”
“My heads hurts.”
“Wait until you think about parallel universes and how all the same choices are there and yet result in different outcomes.”
“I only want to worry about the present.”
“What’s that?”
“Should I have the cranberry bliss bar or the pumpkin bread?”
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Put It Into In Box C
Read more: Put It Into In Box CA Conversation
“Place your written application into In Box C.”
“C?”
“Yes, C.”
“There doesn’t seem to be an In Box C.”
“Why that’s odd. It was just there.”
“Do you have a suggestion?”
“Yes, find the
in box.”“Okay, but there doesn’t seem to be an in
“It’s with every in box over there.”
“Over here?”
“Yes.”
“I still don’t see it.”
“Our distinct process for handling those applications has always been to drop it into In Box C.”
“Okay, I’ll follow it once I find the correct in
“Place it into In Box C and you can then go.”
“Would it be okay to use In Box B?”
“Only if you want it lost.”
“The in box or my application?”
“Why, your application
, of course . Why would we lose In Box B?”“It seems like it’s a fairly common problem.”
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A Dog Without a Bone
Read more: A Dog Without a BoneA Conversation
“You’re an idiot!”
“Why you say?”
“You had it all: the bone, the perfect spot in the sun, the blanket, and the squeaky toy. Then you lost it all.”
“Not really.”
“Oh, you’re an idiot all right.”
“The sun spot got too hot, the blanket made it worse, and I
was done with the bone. As for the squeaky toy, I’ll get that back.”“I don’t see how. Miss Izzy has it.”
“She’s easily distracted.”
“She seems to enjoy it right now.”
“Yep, right now.”
“So, how to you plan to get it back?”
“I’ll chew on the bone more. That will make her want it.”
“It’s kind of used up.”
“Sure, but she doesn’t know that.”
“Miss Izzy is just supposed to give up the toy for the bone?”
“Yep. I’ll make her move quicker. See, a few chews and she’s dropped the toy.”
“Uh, now what?”
“I drop the bone and run for the toy, like this.”
“Yeah, I see what you’re getting at. But, I still think you’re an idiot.”
“Why now?”
“You could’ve had it all. And now you’re just a dog without a bone.”
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Barney Finds a Bone
Read more: Barney Finds a BoneA Conversation
“What’a got in your mouth?”
“Some rubber bone with soft spongy pillows for my teeth.”
“I can see you’ve about gnawed through the side there.”
“Yep. These pillows feel good after chewing through that plastic.”
“What’s that square thing?”
“You mean this?”
“Yeah. The block with wires sticking out of it.”
“Let me bite down on it.”
“Anything?”
“Woo zee, that smarts.”
“What happened?”
“Got a bee sting in my mouth.”
“It was full of bees?”
“No. It felt like my collar does when I howl at the neighbors. Woo zee.”
“Maybe you should chew on a different part.”
“Good plan.” (The television turns on.)
“Oh, you made the magic box talk.”
“Huh. This thing must control the people in the box.”
“Try to turn it off.” (Turns up the volume instead.)
“Ow. It makes my ears hurt. Turn it off.”
“This thing is dangerous. It summons those scary people in the box. And it stings.”
“Probably a bad thing. We should bury it.”
—
(Later on …)
“I do not understand. I swear I put the remote right here.”
“Well, walk over there and turn it on. I want to see my show.”
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Our Eyes Are Watering
Read more: Our Eyes Are WateringA Conversation
“The bath helped and you’re much better on the nose.”
“I’ll admit I do smell better.”
“Now if we could just do something about your dog breath.”
“What do you mean?”
“Your breath smells like a tri-tip crawled up there and died.”
“I did enjoy a bite of roast beef destined for the trash.”
“Well, it probably should have stayed there.”
“And let days of aging go to waste? Not to mention the layer of mold.”
“You need a dental bone, dude.”
“Well, when she gives me one, then we’ll talk.”
“Go breathe on her.”
“Let’s let nature take its course.”
“We might all be dead by then.”
“Just give her a lick? Like this?”
“Oh, man. She smacked you on the nose. It must be worse than I thought.”
“Mrumph. It hurts and my eyes are watering.”
“So are our eyes. Go chew on that bone.”
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