Topic: Conversations

Save a Tree, You Know 0

A Conversation

“WouldyouliketobuyamagazinesubscriptionsoIcangoto football camp?

“Slow down. What are you doing?”

“Selling magazines to go to camp.”

“What camp?”

“Football camp. I can go to football camp and get this cool radio if I sell enough subscriptions.”

“I played football as a kid. We would just play in the mud.”

“I don’t like mud.”

“Mud makes football. You have to become one with the field.”

“We have a lot of different magazines; cooking, outdoors, home improvement. That sort of thing.”

“And how does this help you at football camp?”

“I earn points for my jersey. And I can get this cool radio.”

“You really want the radio, huh?”

“Yeah, it can be wound up in an emergency.”

“Here’s twenty bucks. Go buy the radio.”

“Don’t you want a magazine?”

“No. Save a tree, you know.”



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Plan for World Domination 0

A Conversation

“That’s interesting.”

“What is?”

“This video on stem cells.”

“How so?”

“It says we can convert fat cells into stem cells and rebuild our bodies.”

“Figures.”

“You sound like you already knew this.”

“No. But it all makes sense now.”

“How so?”

“The plan for world domination. It all started in the 50s with Americans eating too much.”

“Okay. I still don’t follow.”

“Fatten up the populace until they can’t walk and then rebuild them into lean fighting machines.”

“I hardly think Uncle Rick will be turned into a fighting machine.”

“Just look at him. Paunchy, big ol belly. He’s perfect for fat cell conversion.”

“Yeah, but still. He lacks motivation.”

“That’s the genius behind this plan. They can suck out Uncle Rick’s fat cells when he’s sleeping and when he wakes up he’ll be a marine!”

“World domination huh?”

“Yep. Just another reason for the world to hate us.”



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Take a Bath, Already! 0

Flea

A Conversation

“I trained all of them. Just put your nose under the big top so you can see.”

“There’s no big top. Just a bunch of dirty hair.”

“Humor me; if you dig in there you can see the center of the tent. That’s where they perform.”

“I can’t get past the smell. You need a bath.”

“Forget about me. Focus on the stage.”

“I see them. They’re all just sort of sitting there.”

“Watch this. Did you see it?”

“See what?”

“Harvey. He flipped in mid-air and landed on his nose. The world’s fastest jumping flea!”

“Nothing happened.”

“Harvey jumped! He’s just so fast.”

“Uhm, he just sat there.”

“Maybe your nose is too long and you’re not able to see him jump.”

“I’ll have you know my nose is short for a dachshund.”

“Here. I’ll get them to jump all at once. Did you see it?”

“No. They all just sat there again.”

“Pooey. You’re just blind.”

“Now that you mention it, my eyes are starting to water from that mix of dander, foxtails, and grass. Man, you really need to dip yourself in the dog dish.”

“Fine. I have the world’s fastest, best trained, most spectacular troupe of jumping fleas on my back, and you’re worried about me taking a bath. You frustrate me.”

“I think I’d be less frustrated if you took a bath.”



The Document is Incomplete 0

A Conversation

“Do you have page 30 of the A-239 form?”

“It should be right there.”

“I don’t see it.”

“Well, it was there when I brought it in.”

“Without page 30 I cannot accept this.”

“Look again.”

“Listen sir, without the page the document is incomplete.”

“You didn’t look.”

“It’s missing sir.”

“I don’t think so. Look again.”

“It would do no good to look again. The paper is clearly missing.”

“Give them to me. I’ll look.”

“I’m sorry sir. Once the document is submitted it can’t be unsubmitted.”

“It hasn’t really gone into the hopper yet. Let me at least look.”

“Sir, this is highly unusual.”

“See, it’s just out of order: Page 30 was stuck after page 32.”

“I’ll have to start over again. Do you have the A-300 document?”



I Don’t Think That is What You Meant to Say 0

A Conversation

“I mean, it literally caused me to boil over in hives.”

“Your whole body?”

“Yes, literally.”

“Do you have pictures?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Wow. I thought you meant figuratively. That’s a bad case of hives.”

“I know. I literally scratched myself to death.”



Coconut Macaroons 0

A Conversation

“Have you ever noticed the more you chew the bigger the bite expands in your mouth?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve been chewing this cookie forever and it just seems to get bigger.”

“Take smaller bites.”

“I tried that already.”

“Stop eating the cookie.”

“But it is so good.”

“No, seriously. Stop!”

“Wha do ya mean?”

“I think you’re allergic.”

“I ben eatin cocont my wole li.”

“Call 9-1-1. This coconut macaroon is killing him.”

“Bu itso goud.”

Day 167: 5 Minute Freewrite: Wednesday РPrompt: coconut by @mariannewest

 



You’re a Yellow-Bellied Marmot 0

A Conversation

“You’re yella’.”
“I’m not yellow. I just don’t want to fight you.”
“Yella’, yella’, yella'”
“I’m just going to ignore you.”
“Like you could, you yellow-bellied marmot.”
“I saw one of those once.”
“What?”
“A yellow-bellied marmot. Just standing there on a rock.”
“Probably looked a lot like you.”
“Not really.”
“All pudgy-faced and full of fear.”
“Actually, it yawned.”
“You probably bored it with your pudgy face.”
“I think it had better things to do.”
“Like what?”

Smack!

“Looking for better company.”



Scouting for the Cook 0

The lieutenant’s horse swung in close to the Scout. He pulled up and stopped. Dust blew behind him. The Scout chewed on a blade of grass.

“Report Scout. What are we chasing?”

Scout twisted the grass in his mouth moving it from one side to the other. He paused and pointed.

“See that butte?”

The lieutenant covered his eyes from the sun.

“Yes. Is that the hideout?”

“No.”

A silence hung between the men. Scout spit out the grass and rubbed his top lip with his bottom teeth.

“We’ve passed it already.”

Sand and dirt covered the lieutenant’s lips and he coughed a bit of dirt away from his face. He reached for the canteen strapped to his saddle. He took a drink. The horse smelled the water and reigned back a bit.

“Passed it huh?”

“Yep.”

“How many times?”

“Three, maybe four times.”

“And you are just now telling me this?”

“You seemed so intent on the chase, I didn’t have the heart.”

The lieutenant closed the canteen and looked back at the line of troopers.

“So, we’ve been chasing our tails?”

Scout looked up at the sky and the sun.

“At least the horses got to run a bit.”

The lieutenant took off his hat and slapped dust off his leg.

“There’s nothing out here?”

“Just us, the horses, and a two-day ride to the barracks.”

“You’re not a very good scout, are you?”

“Never said I was the scout. I’m the cook.”

“Just perfect.”

“Actually, a nice brisket and side of beans would be perfect about now.”

“I’ll let you get a head start on us so you can have that ready when we get back to camp.”

The cook, turned his horse, and headed down the line.

“Going to have a nice brisket waiting for you boys. Just you wait.”



The Perils of the Whiteboard 0

A Conversation

“Let me draw it out for you.”

“Careful, I used a Sharpie on the whiteboard.”

“Let me try it.”

“I’m just warning you.”

“Yep, it’s an erasable pen.”

“Are you sure?”

“I just wiped it clean.”

“Okay, but it’s a pain in the ass to get off.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.”

“We have this big pie.”

“Yes.”

“And we’ll color this slice red.”

“Uh huh.”

“And the rest blue.”

“There’s a lot more blue.”

“Actually, part of this should be green.”

“Just erase it and start over.”

“The blue won’t erase.”

“Used the Sharpie, huh”

“Yep.”



Just Take a Little Bite 1

A Conversation

“I picked it fresh myself.”

“It looks too red.”

“The best things often look better than they are.”

“And it seems a bit too shiny.”

“I polished it up.”

“Plus, a don’t see an apple tree around here.”

“I found it at the apple tree outside the church.”

“You were at church?”

“I made confessional.”

“And your swore off your sins?”

“Most of them. A few I kept to myself.”

“The priest let you do that?”

“He wasn’t there.”

“Had you say a few “hail Mary’s?”

“I have always found confessional a bit too predictable.”

“If the priest wasn’t there who did you talk to?

“I talked to myself.”

“That doesn’t seem like it helped much.”

“I forgave myself for all of the my past and future sins.”

“What could you possibly do later that would be a sin?”

“Take a bite of this apple and I’ll tell you all about it.”